If you search on Google “how to have better conversations,” you’ll get a plethora of tips on how to show people you’re paying attention, such as “smile!” “make eye contact!” and “nod while the person is speaking!”
“There is no necessity to learn to indicate that you’re paying attention if you’re paying attention,” writes writer and radio broadcaster Celeste Headlee. Simply put, we need to spend less time learning how to show people that we are listening and more time learning how to truly listen and talk effectively with one another.
We’ll Look At How To Use Her Ten Rules To Have Better Talks With Coworkers In This Article:
Tips: 1 Do Not Attempt To Multitask
“Be present at the moment.”Be present at the moment,” Celeste says. “Forget about the squabble you had with your boss. Don’t even consider what you’ll have for dinner. Get out of the conversation if you want to get out of it, but don’t be half in and half out of it.”
To help yourself, try putting your phone away and allowing enough time to buffer on both ends of the coffee conversation so you can relax properly. If you find yourself dozing off in the middle of a discussion, gently refocus your attention without being judgmental. Above all, remember to take deep breaths and relax! You’ve arrived at your destination!
Tips: 2 Avoid Pontificating
Pontificate is a verb that means “to pontificate.” To speak or write about something as though you know everything there is to know about it and only your opinion is correct.
“You must approach every envisage with the assumption that you have something to learn,” Celeste emphasizes, “and sometimes that means putting your personal opinion aside.”
Because we’re all only human, it’s all too easy to come out as arrogant and superior in conversation. To keep yourself in check, try pausing before speaking and noticing if you’re projecting too much of your own emotions into the issue. Do you have a sense of insecurity? threatened? defensive? hurt? Recognizing that we pontificate as a result of our own internal worries and insecurities can be the first step toward transformation.
Tips: 3 Ask A Lot Of Open-Ended Questions
Celeste advises staying away from inquiries that may be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” “Instead, ask them questions like, ‘How was that?’” says the author. ‘How did that make you feel?’ Because then they might have to think about it for a second, and you’ll get a far more fascinating reaction.
Tips: 4 Adapt To The Situation
Almost everyone has been guilty of having an interesting thought while someone is speaking and then impatiently waiting for them to finish before jumping in!
“Thoughts will come into your head,” Celeste says, “and you must let them go out of your mind.” You will be much better at adapting to how the discussion is going if you learn to let your thoughts go and go with the flow. Do they have a relationship? Are they itching for anything new to talk about? Is it time for some humor to lighten the mood?
Tips: 5 If You’re Unsure, State That You’re Unsure
Lying is one of the worst things you can do in a coffee conversation since it makes you appear unreliable and untrustworthy. “Talk should not be inexpensive,” Celeste says.
Vulnerability and honesty are valued by others, and they should always be the cornerstone of healthy interaction. Understand that it’s totally acceptable not to know everything and that no one expects you to.
Tips: 6 Don’t Compare Your Situation To Theirs
“Don’t tell them how much you despise your job if they’re talking about their problems at work,” Celeste advises. “It’s not the same,” says the narrator. It’s never the same twice. Every encounter is unique. And, more remarkably, it has nothing to do with you. Conversations aren’t a chance to promote yourself.”
While your efforts to demonstrate empathy are wonderful, you shouldn’t always be the hero of the story. Giving the other person the space they need to tell their tale is the finest thing you can do. If necessary, listen and offer assistance.
Tips: 7 Try Not To Say The Same Thing Twice
Simply put, it’s uninteresting. “We have a point to make, so we just keep rephrasing it over and over,” Celeste says, “especially in professional talks.”
If you have a propensity to ramble, attempt to redirect the conversation back to the other person. Allow them to go into further detail about their experiences. When you put it into practice, you should notice that the conversation becomes more balanced and that you have less control over it.
Tips: 8 Don’t Get Caught In The Weeds
“Frankly, people don’t care about the years, names, dates, or any of the other information that you’re having trouble remembering,” Celeste explains. “They don’t give a damnation.” They’re only engrossed in you.”
When telling stories or retelling experiences, try to concentrate on what happened rather than the details. This is not a test; the other person simply wants to learn more about you.
Tips: 9 Pay Attention
The most crucial thing to keep in mind is that you’re listening to learn, not merely to respond. Because the brain processes what we hear far faster than how quickly someone talks, our imagination fills in the gaps between what the other person says.
Our role is to pay attention to the other person’s comments, ask probing questions, and not wait for the conversational trigger to return the topic to ourselves.
Tips: 10 Be Succinct
Let’s get right to the subject. Don’t go into too much detail. Is there anything you’re telling them that they don’t need to know? Stop talking and listen to what the other person has to say after you’ve spoken what you need to say.
Whatever you do, don’t forget to follow Headlee’s ten rules. Try putting one of those rules into practice in your next conversation for a week to ten days. I believe your talks will become more meaningful and effective as a result.